Don't Assume the Preview is Anything Like the Movie

Have you ever decided to not see a movie because you were so unimpressed by the preview?

Marianne and I like to get to movies early so we can see the previews, and as we watch them we will whisper to each other whether or not we want to see the actual movie.

Sometimes, we just don't go to a movie because of the preview.

Sometimes, we go in spite of the preview.

Sometimes, we go because of the preview.

Over the years, I've realized that movie previews rarely do a movie justice. There have been some movies with terrible previews that became instant favorites for us. There have been some movies with amazing previews that turned out to be unbearable. I'm not sure why I would expect it to be differently. How can I possibly expect to understand the worth of a 2 hour movie after seeing only 30 seconds of mixed together clips?

Isn't life just like that?

We get a small taste of a situation and decide immediately whether or not it is for us. We see a brief encounter between two people and quickly draw a conclusion as to the nature of their relationship. We hear a snippet of information about someone and assume we are now qualified to judge them.

Proverbs says, "The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him."

Recently, I've been learning the importance of not assuming you have the whole truth until you've examined the matter yourself. The words of James have spurred me to be one who is "quick to listen" especially when I'm not sure I have the full story.

I don't want to miss something really good because I jump to a conclusion too quickly, and I don't want to find myself in the middle of something really bad because I believed a preview.

That's where I am this morning. If it's good for you, then great!

Avoid the Path That Leads to Death!

Thursday night at Camp Barakel, I talked with just the senior high guys. We discussed the direction of their lives by using a metaphor common to camp, the path. Here are the key ideas:

1. The paths you choose in life will determine your destination
Every decision you make is a choice to follow a path that is leading you somewhere. Your life's destination will be the culmination of all those decisions.

2. Every path leads to a destination
Some may think they can just "enjoy life" for a season and their decisions won't have consequences until they are "grown up". Wrong... If you choose the path of hard work and discipline your destination will be significantly different than he who chooses the path of parties and night life.

3. You may not see the destination, but you can see the path
You must be careful about the path you walk as it may lead you somewhere different than you think. We used the youth from Proverbs 7 as an example. The path he chose LOOKED good and FELT good and seemed to be going VERY WELL. But it ended with him being led as an ox to the slaughter, like a deer caught in a trap until an arrow pierces his liver... Be careful about the path you choose.

We closed with Proverbs 3:6-7: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and don't lean on your own understand. In all your ways follow Him and he will make your paths straight.

He Is a Fool Who Knows Not How to Respond to Criticism

Marianne and I were talking today about how easy it is for a person who is “simple” (read about the wise, simple, fool, and mocker in Proverbs) to become a fool if influenced by the wrong people. While thinking about our discussion I sketched out this chart, and was reminded midway through of how often Proverbs stresses our response to correction. If you want to become wise, learn how to respond appropriately to correction.

Resolving Conflict: Squashing Rumors

We all hear rumors every day. Sometimes we think of them as gossip (which we sadly consider to be harmless), but often we hear a rumor and consider it to be at worst partly true.

Previous Posts in This Series:
5 Ways to Let Go of a Grudge
3 Steps to Being a Peacemaker
5 Questions to Help Evaluate Yourself
6 Roadblocks That Shut Down Communication

You already know this principle from Proverbs, but it bears repeating.

The first person from whom you hear a story will rarely give you the full story.

Almost always, you need to hear things from multiple perspectives if you are going to have a truly robust understanding of the truth.

That said, what do you do when you hear a rumor which you KNOW is false? Unfortunately, we are often to cowardly to do anything in these situations, but can I suggest six steps you can take which will shut down the rumor quickly?

• Correct the error immediately
• Tell the truth to the person telling the rumor
• Determine the source of the rumor (where did it come from?)
• Determine the spread of the rumor (who else has heard it?)
• Go to the source and stop it (by correcting the error and telling the truth)
• Go to the spread and confront it (by correcting the error and telling the truth)

I know this approach is inconvenient, difficult, awkward, and likely time-consuming. But if we are to be MINISTERS OF RECONCILIATION who are concerned with seeing others experience the life Christ has called us to, then we MUST be about this business. Our willingness to deal with false rumors can mean the resolution of conflict, the abatement of pain, and potentially life-saving peace for those around us.

All the Posts in This Series:
5 Ways to Let Go of a Grudge
3 Steps to Being a Peacemaker
5 Questions to Help Evaluate Yourself
6 Roadblocks That Shut Down Communication
Squashing Rumors 2

Manipulation is Not Leadership.

Proverbs says alot about flattery. One of my favorite proverbs reminds us that the wounds of a friend are preferable to the kisses of an enemy. Often people who don’t really have your best interest in mind will use flattery to manipulate you. I get frustrated with myself when I slip into manipulation by flattery mode.

But flattery isn’t the only way we manipulate people. Some people are master manipulators. They spend their time evaluating a person, figure out that person’s “buttons”, and then press all the right ones to get what they desire from that person. Some people are “passive-aggressive” manipulators; they’ll bully a person by withdrawing and being silent.

Is there anything wrong with manipulation?

Many leadership “gurus” talk about the concept of “influence”, as being one of, if not the core competencies of leaders.

One author says “leadership is influence - nothing more, nothing less”.

I read another book recently that said, “to lead others, an individual or group must be able to sway people to follow a proposed direction.”

The same book tells the story of a pastor who believes God has given him a vision to buy a vacant lot next to his church in order to create a parking lot (check the end of this post to see why this in itself is problematic). In order to accomplish this “vision”, he takes each of his church’s deacons out to eat individually. He has them meet him at the church so he can drive, and with each deacon, as they arrive back at the church he subtly points to the vacant lot and says, “Do you think God would ever allow us to buy that property?”

Over time, the deacons begin to talk about the property, and eventually decide to buy it, believing they have come to a Spirit led decision because they all had it on their mind.

So I wonder… is this Leadership? or is this manipulation?

Here’s why I think manipulation is wrong. Manipulation is me making an effort to do something in someone else that I believe the Spirit has done in me, but won’t do in them.

When I choose to manipulate someone, I’m choosing to use deceit and subversion rather than straightforward honesty and authenticity. Which approach do you think the Holy Spirit is more likely to work through?

Manipulation in church often stems from the idea that

God gives a vision to one person, not a group.

I’ve heard many of the young, hip, evangelical church leaders make this argument.

I’ve read it in the aforementioned books. It goes like this:

“God reveals his vision to one person. It has been my observation from the Bible and in personal ministry that teams do not develop vision.”

or

“In the Bible, God never gave the vision to a committee.”

The result of this kind of thinking is leaders who believe that once God has given them a vision it is up to them to convince everyone else (by hook or crook) of the rightness of their vision. The implication of this theory is that the Holy Spirit cannot work through anyone other than “the leader”. So much for the priesthood of the believer.

note this comment from one of the above sources:

“If you’re not the senior pastor, you have to trust that he’s hearing from God.”

The biggest problem with this idea is that it is just flat wrong. The greatest vision God ever gave to men was given to a group, not an individual. That vision statement looked a little like this:

"It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

Which brings me back to my starting point… Manipulation.

There is a very fine line between true leadership through influence and deceitful leadership through subversive manipulation.

I speak of the church, because that is my life; but these principles are true everywhere: marriage, friendship, occupation, parenting, etc.

Anytime we use manipulation to influence people, we’ve asserted that the Holy Spirit cannot work through simple honesty and straightforwardness… and that is not a great place to be.

I’m not trying to throw stones here, I’m just sayin’